


Forgetting Time

by eddiekspbraks



Category: IT (1990), IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, dialogue based off stanley uris takes a bath, mainly just stan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 08:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14160792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eddiekspbraks/pseuds/eddiekspbraks
Summary: “Uris residence, Stan speaking. This better be good.”A familiar voice spoke, “Hello Stan, It’s Mike Hanlon.”





	Forgetting Time

**Author's Note:**

> another short thing, thanks for taking your time to read. i want to mention ellen for checking this twice, and not being too scared to tell me that i needed to improve things the first time. if you have any feedback hit me up on my twitter @ivngdons :-)

**STAN**

 

Stan had always preferred showers over baths. He loved the feeling of the hot water running down his back, offering an almost soothing sensation. Having a shower gave Stan the anxiety relief he had always needed, often using that drawn out time to ponder about everything and nothing. The rhythmic pitter patter of the jets of water hitting his skin provided him with a sense of solace and it allowed him to think about things he couldn’t necessarily talk about with Patty. 

 

Sometimes, when Stan thought hard enough, he could remember the summers he spent in Derry with his friends, and how much fun he had with them. Although, when he would try to look closer, zoom in onto their faces and remember each one of them individually, it was almost like he was a blind man trying to use glasses to improve his vision. It was just  _ impossible _ to remember any details about his childhood other than some basic, blurred memories and fragments of the good times he used to have. He had always connected this loss of memory to the reason why he was almost permanently melancholic. It was like something was missing _ ,  _ or lost; it was on the tip of his tongue and he could never  _ spit it out.  _ The only time anything became slightly clearer was when he thought of a particular boy he seemed to be close with. Everything was  _ much  _ clearer when it came to him, well, as clear as it could be. He could tell that they had a special bond. How Stan’s heart stammered and how he felt like he couldn’t breathe when he was around. Stan might say that he loved this boy but obviously he would never know for sure. Stan just wished he could remember.

 

_ Fuck, I’m so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

 

Stan was brought out of his thoughts when Patty shouted up to him, “Stanley? Someone’s on the phone for you.” He took the phone from Patty’s hands and answered it. 

 

“Uris residence, Stan speaking. This better be good.”

 

A familiar voice spoke, “Hello Stan, It’s Mike Hanlon.” 

 

Something clicked in Stan’s brain, similar to the penultimate puzzle piece of a jigsaw slotting into place, but with it still having that one little detail missing. Stan knew that voice from somewhere, he just couldn’t pinpoint it, “Who did you say?” 

 

“Mike Hanlon.”

 

Still not really getting who he was speaking to, Stan replied, “Mike Hanlon?” 

 

A breathless laugh rang through Stan’s ears as ‘Mike’ confirmed who his was for the third time, “Yeah.”

 

The final puzzle piece had clicked, and Stan started to laugh with disbelief, not believing that this was the friend that he was trying so desperately to remember only minutes before. “Well... I’ll be damned!”

 

There was a short pause, before Mike hesitantly replied, “Stan.. ITs come back.”

 

Stan’s heart dropped right down into the pit of his stomach; this couldn’t be happening. Not again. They had killed IT, they had! “Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah. I’m sure. You understand I am sur-”

 

“No, I understand…” Stan’s face was full of worry, his nervous habit of rubbing the shell of his ear coming back to bite him as it now felt raw and painful.

 

“Look, I-I hope you know how hard it is to call abou-”

 

“I get the picture…”

 

“Can you make it Stan?  _ Please? _ ” Mike seemed desperate to get Stan back in Derry, to help them defeat IT again. But in reality, had Stan ever really helped the Losers? Sure, he got a few hits in with a pole when he needed to. But only when it was necessary. That was the point, Stan never did anything unless it was  _ absolutely necessary.  _ Stan concluded that this definitely  _ was not _ necessary. 

 

“Now, I can’t absolutely promise that..”

 

“Don’t you remember Stan?”

 

Ignoring Mike’s statement, Stan talked over Mike,“But I…I’ll certainly consider it.”

 

“Don’t you remember your promise?”

 

With reluctance, Stan replied “Yes, Mike.”

 

It must’ve been obvious to Mike that Stan was very hesitant about coming back to Derry, especially to fight IT, as he added, “You promised…”

 

“Yes, I remember…” Stan knew he had promised, but really, who keeps promises? This was a  _ stupid _ promise that a  _ stupid _ kid had made after he and his  _ stupid _ friends made a terrible decision to fight back.  _ Stupid.  _ Stan sometimes wished that he didn't fight back that night. He wished he could disappear.

 

“I hope you come.” 

 

Stan didn’t even give Mike the satisfaction of a lie, Stan knew he wasn't going to go. “Goodbye.” 

 

Stan had already started to put the phone down when he quietly heard Mike say, “Bye, Stan.”

 

Once he put the phone back, he could hear Patty questioning about who had called. Well, at least that’s what he was assuming that she was saying - his ears felt like they were brimming with water, every sound was muffled and sounded weird in his mind. Stan replied “No one. No one really…” Although, Mike wasn’t just  _ no one _ to Stan, nor would he ever be. But Stan knew he couldn’t go back to Derry, not even for Mike. He just  _ couldn’t. “ _ I think I’ll take a bath.”

 

“But… you just had a shower?” Even though he wasn’t looking at Patty, he could see the questioning stare boring into the back of his head. Stan ignored her, and carried on walking towards the bathroom.

 

Stan made the bath, and didn’t add anything  _ special _ in it like he would on the rare occasion that he would have a bath; no bubbles or any of Patty’s special oils. He just sat in it. Everything seemed so  _ white _ . So plain and boring and  _ stupid _ . Stan laughed, everything was stupid. That was the epitome of everything to do with Stan;  _ stupid _ . 

 

Stan sat and thought for what seemed like forever, his mind wandering this way and that, when really it had only been around ten minutes. His eyes glancing all around the room, when his eyes landed on a glimmering, metallic object on the shelf across the room from him. It seemed to be inviting him over, the gleaming silver enticing him to get it, so he did. He sat down in the bath once more, twirling the razor around in his fingers; he knew what he was going to do. It’s not like Stan wanted to do this, not when he’d just cleared the fog that surrounded the memories of his childhood and his best friends, that one best friend in particular; Mike. The friend who he had crushed on for so long when they were children. 

 

He thought about Mike and how much colour that he brought into his life - that's when Stan realised that Mike was  _ his _ colour. Everything was so white to Stan since he had moved from Derry, without Mike all he could see was black and white; Mike brought the colour into his life. 

 

Thinking through his best friends, Richie had always been a trashmouth - loud and obnoxious and too in love with Eddie to realise that everyone was growing up. He stayed childish until Stan had left, obviously not knowing how to grow up. Eddie being too angry at the world to even notice anyone other than Richie. Their whole relationship had gone down the drain when Eddie’s mom became too protective of her  _ precious little eddie bear.  _

 

Bill had always been the authoritative, leader type, always doing what he thought was best (it wasn’t always the best). Ben had never really interacted with Stan much, they had never formed that close of a bond. But they had a mutual understanding of each other. Stan remembered that Ben was the only person he trusted to tell about his crush on Mike. Of course, Ben accepted him and carried on as normal. Beverly had moved away days after the ‘final battle’ to her aunts, so Stan had only known her properly for less than a year. Stan assumed that he couldn’t really decide on how he felt about her because their friendship was mainly based on saving each other from IT. 

 

That left Mike.  _ Mike _ . Stan thought Mike was beautiful, always had and always would. It was a shame he would never see him again. His mind had come to a decision on how to avoid IT completely, nothing would stop him now.

 

With that, Stan started to cry. He had this high definition picture of Mike finally in his mind, and Stan smiled. This was what had been searching for, his memories. Stan stopped twirling the razor, lifting it to his wrist. Pain made its way through his body and his eyes went heavy, and just before everything went black he thought,  _ I love you, Mike _ . 

 

Stan had never liked baths, but today, having a bath was his way out. 


End file.
